Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
