The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
