She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
