as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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