THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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