i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
