Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
