4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
