Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize