dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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