I'm passing your future prison.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
