I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drake has all the answers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
