and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
