Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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