I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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