At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize