thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
