You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
