Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
