so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
