The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
