i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
