My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
