I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
