I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My underwear smells like fireworks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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