I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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