my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
