Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize