After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
