i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
