Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
