This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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