she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
