I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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