dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
