I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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