Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
