Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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