She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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