I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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