Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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