I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You can't special order awesome
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize