I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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