I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
