We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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