Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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