idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize