My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this boner is exhausting
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
