I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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