watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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