yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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