Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I want her autograph on my taint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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