i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
