I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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