i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
