My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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