even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
