I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
