I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
