your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
