don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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