i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
