we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
