Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
