quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
smell my finger.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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