i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
