woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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