White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
