I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
