I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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