I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
