I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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