Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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