dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize