So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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