i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
