i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
