Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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