sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
