It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
