well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
