Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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