My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize